How does one overcome bitterness

Next, write down your thoughts and feelings about the event. Take your time on this section of writing. Third, identify what has resulted from this event. Then write what you wish would have happened. Fourth, spend some time focusing on who or what needs to be forgiven. Be very specific as you identify the offenses that need to be forgiven and the person who offended you.

Finally, spend some time focusing on the positive pieces that you can pull from this situation. God uses painful events in our life to grow us and our faith so that we may experience life to the fullest in Him.

As we depend on Him for comfort and healing, our relationship and faith grow deeper. Bitterness and resentment can take root when we have experienced a deep hurt. The first step toward healing is forgiveness. Without forgiveness it is impossible to move toward healing from bitterness. Once you have chosen forgiveness, processing the pain from the past is next.

There are 2 ways to process a trauma- through spoken or written processing. Any additional thoughts or tips for overcoming bitterness and resentment? Leave a comment below! Thank you for sharing these important steps to healing from bitterness and resentment, Sunshyne! So often I think disappointment keeps us paralyzed when the best way to break free is with action founded in Truth. I too just wrote about the importance of knowing what to do when we encounter disappointment.

Disappointment does keep us paralyzed at times-I have to keep reminding myself that we live in a broken world and disappointment is part of that for now, but God can redeem any circumstance! Without healing, the enemy gains a foothold and bitterness and resentment will […].

Totally agree, Lori! What if the resentment, bitterness and disappointment is directed towards God? It has gotten to the point where I cannot even pray to, praise or worship him. So I am stuck in my disappointment, anger, bitterness and resentment. Yet I cannot turn my back on Him because I have nowhere else to go, but my relationship with Him gives me nothing. Share Share Pin 1. Sunshyne on March 21, at pm.

Bitterness always grows a deep taproot that connects you to whatever caused you pain. As you work to disconnect your thoughts from the past, you can look for good things in the moment. You can also start to set new goals. Rather than looking to the future or past for answers, find your peace in the present moment.

A grateful heart is a healing balm for bitterness. It puts in stark relief how much you take for granted in life when you are bitter. Begin and end your day with gratitude by thinking of all of the blessings in your life. Include even the smallest things — the comfort of your bed, the easy availability of food and water, the smell of coffee brewing.

Be sure to include the people you know and even those you just encounter along the way in your gratitude practice. Consider what your life would be without these people and how you would feel if you no longer had them in your life. If people are regularly disappointing you, and you feel upset and bitter as a result, then lower your expectations. You may wish your spouse, children, friends, or family members were more attentive, thoughtful, or successful.

Trying to control them will make them feeling resentful and disrespected. Work on accepting the people you care about for who they are.

Focus on their positive qualities rather than dwelling on how they have let you down. Bitterness develops when life feels hopeless and you feel helpless.

Push yourself just a little bit harder. Do something uncomfortable. You are stronger and more capable than you think you are. Have you learned how to not be bitter? Learning to let go of bitterness and anger takes great effort, but your new emotional freedom will position you for future success.

As you release yourself from negativity, you could become a more attractive job candidate or partner. Adopting the role of the bitter victim, however, drains your energy and never solves problems. You deserve to live outside the confines of bitterness that separate you from the joys that life has to offer. Overcoming bitterness is not easy for anyone, but neither is living with a bitter and hostile personality. Start taking steps today to let go of bitterness and feel excited for life again.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed. Pin The truth of the matter is that we are ALL human. We are angry, sullen, bitter, mean, nasty, AND lovely, loving, joyful, happy, and kind. And what other people seek is NOT some perfect jolly person. But a person who is comfortable with who she is, who they can trust to accept them as they are. Can you see how this works? This is not about liking or forgiving or accepting any of these other people.

Just as you are. The furious, raging you. The inner nasty you. Those parts are actually necessary and useful. Finally, we would highly recommend therapy. Mandy, that is seriously a tough thing to navigate. The thing now is to simply not judge yourself for feeling so. Anger is not always bad, sometimes is useful, it helps us continue when we are feeling overwhelmed and helps us set boundaries.

If that feels wrong, then consider letting it all out on paper. Promise yourself to rip the paper up after so your mind feels safe to let go and write out all the angry, wild, and childish things you want to say. Then rip it up after. Other things that can help involve safely punching pillows. Regarding finding your power with him, you are free to make choices here. What makes you feel safe here?

Do you want to now only communicate through email or text? Or only speak through a lawyer? Find the solution that works for you and him right now. And do not overlook a counsellor, it can be a godsend to have someone impartial to rant to and to help you stand in your power. A lot of the responses in here are garbage. Unless you have truly had something happen to you , you will never truly understand what it is like to be bitter and angry. Hi John, we understand you are angry.

But thinking nobody else can get it is a defense mechanism, helping us hold onto the anger, to hide from the fact that behind the anger is often a lot of sadness, too. And a way to keep yourself alone and isolated. In our experience, most people go through at least one terrible thing in life. And given that at least 1 in 4 people experience sexual abuse, for example, there are many, many, many people who have the right to say they understand, if you let them.

You are doing research on bitterness. That others around you are suffering, too. I am feeling very bitter because all the things I tried for the last 15 years did not worked out especially the last four years. I worked my butt off and everything backfired in my face.

I did not bring in any money for the last four years and I feel worthless. If I die today or tomorrow I will not mind because except for my wife nobody cares. Your articles are excellent. I realise that I have a big urge to give but just want some recognition or appreciation which I do not get although I wrote 40 posts on a website in four months.

The posts were really not bad as I got my info from the web. Life is just not worth it anymore. Christo, sounds like you are going through a tough time. But there are some interesting things in your comment. Nothing worked out? Is that really true? In our experience, life is consistently all things — good, bad, up, down. Is it not possible that in 15 years some things DID work out if you think about it?

As for not bringing in money and feeling worthless. In summary, it feels like your brain is on what is called a cognitive distortion loop. When this happens the best things could happen right in front of us and the brain would discount them.

But you are NOT what you think. You are much greater than your thoughts. Have you ever tried some counselling? There is a type of therapy you might find useful. It is clear you are struggling to source your esteem from yourself and want it to come from outside of yourself, which never works, but which tends to come from childhood.

So if you had the courage to try a longer form of therapy, such as one that comes from the humanistic school of thought or even schema therapy, it could involve working with a therapist who has a warm, supportive relationship with you that you might really find helpful.

Otherwise, you might want to start a mindfulness practise. Finally, read our article on self compassion. And you deserve to show yourself some! HT Best, HT. Hi, I have not been able to let go of my bitterness for every injustice done to me so far in my life. I have never had a happy childhood. My parents never cared or loved for me. I was always the neglected one whereas my brother was the one getting all the attention, love and care.

My mother always suppressed me and put me down. I felt all alone during my childhood. I even attempted suicide when I was in my high school. I never got any confidence to speak to people or stand up for myself. I did manage to make some good friends owing to my good, soft and timid behavior but in adulthood, I suffered because of unrequited loves. No guy ever liked me or loved me. I was not upto the standard of this society to be in love with.

Ultimately, my parents got me married to a stranger. I was subjected to more abuse and mental harassment there. My husband and in-laws would gang-up against me and inflict all kinds of torture on me.

I spent many years of my life taking that harassment. I was always shunted between my parents and in-laws house. No house felt like my own. Thankfully I had a job and this job gave me opportunities to explore new things. I was so low on confidence that it took me a long time to come out of the control of all these people. But I was able to over come my fear and I took a job opportunity to leave my country and work in Europe. That gave me enough strength to know that I can live alone.

After that, there was no stopping for me. I took my own decisions and explored everything that life had to offer to me. And I got the courage to stand up for myself and not take any more of the injustice done to me. But all these struggles have built a resentment within me. I feel angered of being treated so badly for so many years.

I feel angered of not finding true love because I realized love is based on physical beauty. I was rejected by so many guys even though I loved them truly that I am very bitter. I cant let go of this bitterness and anger and live a peaceful life. It has done a really bad impact on me. Hi there Santy. First of all, give yourself some credit, this is an amazing story, how you got out there and found your own life in the face of all that.

The issue is to not spend time judging yourself for that and instead use the energy that wastes to instead find ways to process the anger. Self help is great, but in some cases we need support. You are a courageous woman. Can you use that courage to make the big step of seeking support?

What a lovely article and site! I love all your enumerated tips. We had quite a dysfunctional family growing up and she handles it by isolating very often. Makes me especially sad at Christmas, when my mom is hurt most by her absence and my kids miss her. What helps me is to focus on all the love I can give and all the love I receive from those who are present. Not ruin the moment because others do not have the behavior I desire. We can create new traditions.

I can attempt to lift up my mother and sister without my happiness being tied to how they respond. When I ask for his help, he sends comfort in extraordinary ways.

Thank you for all the wonderful reminders you listed in your very thorough article. Hi Lisa, glad it helped! Good for you for recognising that you want her to behave as you desire we have an article on expectations in relationships you might like, use the search bar to find it. Sounds like you both have different coping mechanisms. Neither is better than the other, we all have different perspectives and ways of coping.

I took a leave of absence just before the pandemic hit, but am back at uni and already falling behind. I was a straight A student in high school and it was crushing when I failed an exam last winter. Hi Jas, are you in the UK? There is more and more treatment available here now, including psychological treatment.

Note that you mention a shitty childhood. ME is a real medical neurological illness, finally recognised. In many cases ME is far from a life sentence. We think you still have a lot of say over what your future is. After reading all of the other postings here, my heart goes out to them. Thank you for this forum. Both my parents passed before the age of 8, and having to grow up faster than other children led to more maturity but more observation.

Being caring, honest, full of integrity, compassionate, loyal, hardworking and other positive traits have been cornerstones of my life… but the actions of others have derailed my goals so far in relationships and my career.

One thing that I hate to observe is…that some people just get neglected in this life, and that hurts to see and experience. Well in my entertainment career people age out and are judged on other subjective things. But that means I risk being blacklisted or worse. Your advice in this forum has addressed individuals going through the bitterness.. The majority of people who have posted their struggles in this forum want vindication or validation to let go of bitterness.

You may say that will never happen… but I believe we spend too much time teaching individuals how to accept what happened and working through it only themselves instead of holding others accountable and teaching those who hurt how to own up to their actions.

You may call that fruitless, but I call it a way to be able to move on. Yes I am a victim, but not without reason or understanding. Again going back to need of accountability. So save me from the behavioral therapy links as well. Or who knows what normal is but it should be easier than this. Hi there Scott, there is an awful lot going on in this comment. But you start out very nice and complementary, and by the end you are lashing out.

We point this out not in any way to judge, but to be helpful. You see, we wonder if there is a discrepancy between the way you think you come across to others and the way you actually do come across that is affecting your connecting with others and contributing strongly to that loneliness. And here you are coming across as quite angry and even slightly aggressive. We end up less self-aware than we realise, which can make relating complicated. The other option is to admit that we are as flawed as every other human.

And to offer ourselves self compassion just as we are, sometimes compassionate and kind and fun, other times angry, sad, confused, sometimes mean and horrible, even… basically, human and imperfect. Only then can we start to soften and have self compassion for others. Yes, even, maybe, one day, for those who did things that hurt us.

You can definitely find a way to analyse this and write it off, also. I was told being angry and bitter was normal after my wife of 28 years leaving me for a stranger on facebook. She split our 2 kids and stated she did not want our son, took my daughter and moved away. For months after she told me about the other guy and wanted a divorce, I tried to get her to go talk to anyone with me or by herself, but she refused.

I finally gave up on trying. I took a financial hit, so she could take care of the kids and after she got the money she left my son and ran. I live in an apartment, gave up a business, land, ect… and she is prospering with this new guy. I am slowly moving forward rebuilding, but the I feel the bitterness is slowing me down. She gets to get what she wants and I have to work harder just to maintain. She did this to me and she gets a pass?

I feel like I have gotten better, but then the bitterness rears its ugly head. Hi Dallas. These sorts of things take time.

What we would ask is, have you sought any tools to process all this anger? Look into tools of anger management and consider counselling. Having a safe space and a confidential ear to work through our bitterness an be tremendously powerful and helps us move on a lot faster than if we go it alone. And you are absolutely right, bitterness does hold us back and slow us down. Others sense it and can steer clear leaving us lonely, or we can find ourselves snapping at colleagues, for example.

So it does merit being taken seriously. So I come from an abusive home.. Jesus,I could still remember when I was four and my mom was pregnant and one certain night my father drove me ,my pregnant mum and my elder brother from the house because of a little issue.. But I knew what I wanted,we were poor as church rats and nine in the family,someone had to forfeit the funs and games and quench the stench of poverty.. Thats when it all started I never knew joy.. Joseph, that is a lot to go through.

Be proud of yourself for finding a way forward and having a plan. Often when we get away and can finally make all decisions for ourselves it helps immensely.

But this sort of childhood, which was unsafe and had violence, means we can suffer issues as adults and have anxiety and depression or have troubles with relating and trusting.

Right now you need to focus on becoming independent and getting away, we agree. If in the future you are struggling with moods do seek support if you can. Counselling can really really help with difficult childhoods. First off, May God bless you Harley for this article and all of the other articles — and your time consuming and tedious choice to respond to comments.

This evening I went to a barbecue and met a man. He through curveballs to confuse me and eventually I figured out he was a political public figure. We had decided to keep in touch but after that I decided I never wanted to see her again. He played those types of games and was emotionally abusive and manipulative, and would also do those things as a way to embarrass me or make me feel stupid or less than him.

But I ended up looking stupid in front of everyone when he left me at the alter or never showed up. Which was a game that I still played by continuing to see him and believe him that he was just tired and depressed but still loved me.

Until I finally loved myself enough to move on. Your article helped me a lot. And reading the comments you made for other people did too. And then 2 instead of just trusting my instincts to move on I talked to someone else about it and asked her opinion and she rejected my thoughts and defended his, which caused me to offend and not value myself, by not trusting my own instincts. Does that make sense?

First of all, you are really identifying as your behaviour here. But you are so much more than that. When we experience childhood trauma, our brain is affected. It can be over reactive, as you are aware. The brain of a traumatised person is so trained to scan for danger that it is triggered far more easily than others. But you are actually not your brain.

Think of a computer. If there is a bit of tricky software, that does that mean the computer itself is not acceptable? It means there is a glitch but the computer is just fine.

Behind all of our thinking, our reactions, our behaviours, little you there we are, the real us, powerful and full of resources and knowing big You. Some might call it the Higher self, or the God self. The point is that the first step to developing self compassion is to develop the habit to step back and see the behaviour without identifying with it.

Next point — yes, you are very wisely aware that you care too much about what others think. And assume they care about what you do and think. This is normal for a sensitive person. When we train ourselves to constantly catch our thoughts and question them, then seek a more balanced realistic one, we can, with time, stop sending ourselves on self-shaming spirals. If you had the courage, CBT therapy helps you do exactly this. Finally, trusting our own judgement if we come from trauma is a long-term goal.

It comes and goes. Sometimes we struggle with it. Every minute is a new chance to try again. I feel bitter because my friends tortured me too much as a kid, and I never got over it or the problems that grew out of it.

These include things like black and white thinking and assumptions. But it backfires as it also leaves us lonely as it drives others away, leaving no space for empathy, and stops us from even seeing other people at all.

As for christian sects, interestingly, they use black and white thinking as well, which as we said lowers empathy and blinds people. In summary, we get it. Hard experiences can leave us hardened. But this means you are actually letting the experience win. The way to really win is to learn, against all odds, and often by getting support, to still be open to life, others, love, and joy.

That is up to you. I am getting older now 67 and find I have grown a root of bitterness. I successfully overcame many things in my life including sexual abuse, emotional and even some physical abuse. I worked years as a psychiatric nurse helping others, was saved and baptized in the Holy spirit.

I was a very happy person. But then my ex husband who was schizophrenic was given joint custody of our 3 year old daughter. I had not. She went to visit and came home a different child. I took her to counseling and she had been sexually abused. I screamed at God and felt betrayed. I had to do what was legal and He did not protect her. Shortly my ex called me from jail feeling suicidal.

I repented and asked God not to harm him. She was a difficult child after that, not really wanting to connect and quite oppositional but we made it.

When she was 7 I remarried a wonderful. Well the church I went to did not believe in that, called his ex wife and on her description of him they told me if I married him I was kicked out.

I did so anyway and our marriage has lasted longer than the church did. Later as you probably know the government and insurance companies virtually stopped paying for psychiatry, hospitalizations and most counseling. I no longer fiund my job rewarding with a revolving door for patients I changed to home health. I enjoyed this as well but Government changes put a lot if pressure on those companies and we had to do huge amounts of paperwork, enough that it made helping people difficult.

I branched out and became a Medicaid provider with my own business as well as teaching at community colleges. We had several foster children that were teens that we helped during this time. My stepson was giving his mother a lot of trouble.

My husband had had heart surgery and when I called to tell them the reply came as a lawsuit for increased child support.

He was unable to get to court but God was with us and kept the child support the same when my husband wrote a letter about why he could not attend.

Eventually the younger stepson got violent with his brother. My husband and I felt he would end up in jail without a father as a role model. The judge agreed and we were given custody. We kept him in school and out if trouble but unbeknownst to us he was emotionally abusive to my daughter and sexually abusive to our son.

Again I was angry at God and at the son but I forgave with the help of church, my husband and just getting on with life. Several years later our son told us he was gay. Another time of anger but eventually after prayer God told us just to love him and we have. He has since gone to college and is out on his own. The last few years of his high school we moved to Alabama. Then kids at the school emotionally and physically abused him for being gay.

Most churches in the area are very fundamentalist and a favorite subject was homosexuality. That was usually coupled with hell. My son ran the government overheads and sound system at church. The last one I later found had a young son who told his father he was gay. After a year of incessant preaching,about it, a bout with cancer on my part and of my husband having to retire from heart disease we changed churches.

Unfortunately I asked for prayer to overcome the pain from the preaching and my son becoming gay. Being fundamentalists their view of God was one if wrath and after a year the pastor finally told me it was God punishing us for our sins.

That did not go over well with me. We continued to go to thrive meetings but my grief seemed to consume me. There was no area church that thought differently and we are in a sparsely populated area. I decided I could not bear to hear this every week and knew it was the best they were capable of so we quit church.

Prior to that time. In other words if a patient gets well fast they pay well but if they have more needs are elderly or have mental illness and do not improve rapidly they wanted them discharged. This discouraged me as I was mental health and dementia certified through medicare. I was given the more difficult patients but pressured to see more, discharge them within weeks when they could have done well with more help.

I also had about a square mile territory. I set a limit on the number of clients I could see and agreed to work full time. Within a week they gave me many more than that agreement and I did not have it in writing. I became depressed workng 12 to 14 hiurs daily and my Dr recommended I take time off.

I was also having very high BP anxiety atracks and episodes of double vision. After some counseling and a few months off I had to apply for SS disability. Miraculously it was granted to me so I could retire.

I have trouble with retirement but took up gardening and raising sheep. I feel very isolated, church seems to be torture because of the literal interpretation and condemnation taught in the south. Then along came covid and the isolation that goes with that. I am now extremely angry at the government and their recent policies which have hurt so many by closing businesses, making counseling unavailable because the law says it must be given by a company with over 50 employees.

So if I want counseling I would have to. I find myself angry at the lies cheating untrue news open borders and general disintegration of our country with rising crime increased poverty many who have no integrity and try to steal from people on line by phone scams and even when we hire help.

I find myself wishing I could just die and have it over with. I do not know if we will ever see our grandchildren or my family again because we are elderly and I am concerned about flying cross country. It made us ill several times even before covid.

My husband still has heart trouble I have had several surgeries. I am watching the country I love fall apart, I have little purpose in life except to be with my husband. How do I stop being bitter over the country going down the tubes, inflation, isolation, repeated health issues and surgeries, such hatred over homosexuality or other sin beingbthe. I am not a good actor. I do not trust that things will go well but am determined to stay with Him. I live in fear of illness and death of my husband, inflation causing financial.

I know being with God is not a Rose garden but I have no reserves left and fear the worst. Hi Karen. What we take from all this is that you are terribly lonely with nobody to really talk to. Which is tough and can often leave us unable to find ways forward, just left with our thoughts going around and around in our head. Negative thoughts can actually be highly addictive, as much as any drug! The real truth is life is always a mix of good and bad, never just one or the other.

It is important you gather up all the willpower and courage you can to find something that helps you feel connected again and reminds you you DO matter. No matter what that looks like, do what works for you, regardless of what others think.

Why not give them a call and see if they can help you find free to low cost mental health services in your area of some sort of support group? We also have a great article on ways to find low cost to free counselling that can serve as inspiration. The human mind is a powerful beast. Something to think about. Your email address will not be published. Currently you have JavaScript disabled. In order to post comments, please make sure JavaScript and Cookies are enabled, and reload the page.

Click here for instructions on how to enable JavaScript in your browser. Book Therapy Here. By: jeronimo sanz. Who Are You, Really?