Why im undateable

Still, you can inadvertently misunderstand these cues if you feel that you are not worthy of such admiration. Thinking too little of yourself can also affect whether or not you accept a date at all. If you perpetually think that other people are too good for you or that there must be something wrong with anyone willing to go out with you, you will, by default, have trust issues and will put up a wall between you and your date.

Whether you are a male or female, it is reasonable and acceptable to pursue romantic relationships. You do not have to sit around looking pretty or looking available to attract possible suitors.

Standing at a bar and looking aloof as you palm your whiskey might make you feel sexy and mysterious for a few minutes; however, it does little to actually engage the people around you or offer anyone a window into who you are, what you want, or what you are feeling.

At least in part, you are a self-sufficient human being, and you are more than capable of determining your thoughts, needs, and likes, as well as being able to ask the person you like out on a date. Although a partnership is a beautiful thing and having someone with whom to spend your life is wonderful, you are a whole person by yourself.

The most magnificent partner in the world is not a requirement for you to be fulfilled, successful, and happy. You do not have to give up on dating, but it might be smart to take a step back and determine what you want from dating. Some people have demonstrable traits of immaturity or other traits that do not lend themselves to a healthy, stable relationship.

Selfishness, laziness, reactive behavior, grudge-holding, and similar issues can indicate to a potential partner that you are not ready for a relationship and are consequently not a dateable person. What one person might consider immature, another person might consider an expected part of being a human.

The question to ask yourself, then, is whether or not you are prone to gossiping, thinking, or speaking poorly of others, refusing to accept responsibility for your mistakes, or refusing to apologize.

All of these things are indications of a distinct lack of maturity, and all of them could be worked on and, to some degree, resolved before trying to enter into a relationship with anyone. If you are afraid that you are undateable, there are some things you can do to improve your situation. Even if it turns out that you do not exhibit any of the behaviors mentioned above, none of the practical steps below would be detrimental to you overall and are reasonable actions to take at any station in life.

Ultimately, you are the only person you are guaranteed to have in your life, making sure you are someone you like and respect. Rather than simply lamenting your flaws, or throwing your hands up at your mistakes, take the time and put in the effort to actively work toward becoming a healthy, whole individual who does not consider his or her happiness in any way contingent on others. Dating is, again, largely about connection and communication.

To improve your dateability, improve your ability to connect with and communicate with others. Dating is not just about you and getting your needs met; it is also about your partner and his or her needs—practice reaching out to friends and family and engaging in healthy, strong, straightforward communication. You can also practice speaking honestly and openly in times of conflict. Ask anyone close to you to help you step forward in creating healthier patterns of communication, connection, and general relationship navigation.

This will help you create better habits that can improve your compatibility with others and your corresponding dateability. Ignoring that you feel undateable will not help and could even make the thought stronger. Instead of allowing these feelings to rule your life completely, close your eyes, breathe in deeply, and allow yourself to feel sad, overwhelmed, angry, or anything else you might feel about being undateable, then open your eyes and resolve to move forward.

Hiding your intelligence. If you dream of being a biochemist yet act like a Barbie doll, your guy will see right through it. Be smart, be funny, and be yourself. After all, the guy asked you out since he likes you , not the watered down version of you. Being too basic. What do you like about yourself? What makes you different from your friends? Monopolizing the conversation.

Guys will think honesty and self esteem are the most attractive features of all. Mean girl attitude. You get to your booth at the restaurant, and notice a girl to your left whose underwear is practically hanging out of her cut-too-low jeans. I have a wound. This wound initially formed in middle school, when all my classmates started dating each other but I was always overlooked, never chosen by the boys in my class.

When we moved to high school, I was never once asked to a school dance —in fact, I was one of the few people who even went to prom solo for the record, this was not a thing that people did.

This still feels like an embarrassing thing to admit. I wore no makeup and slapped my hair in a ponytail every day; I carried a giant three-inch binder in the crook of my arm everywhere I went; and I never hung out with anyone outside of school because my first love was homework.

But instead of ascribing the lack of male attention I received to my lifestyle choices, I internalized it and assumed something was inherently wrong with me.

I learned to never express my own desire, out of fear I would be laughed at for thinking I could even be considered. As I grew older, I started wearing my hair down and expanded my horizons beyond academics, which inadvertently earned me more male attention. I distinctly remember one such connection with a guy named Carson during my junior year.

I met him at a salsa dancing event, and we immediately clicked. We lived in the same dorm building, so we started hanging out regularly, me climbing the stairs to his room every weekend and sitting on his bed talking until morning about philosophy, music, existentialism, and our childhoods. I had a huge crush on him, but he never made any clear moves, so I was left constantly wondering where we stood and how he felt.

One night, he finally brought it up. We were mid-conversation about Proust, when he said,. What do you want from me? I froze. Your squad is life, and nothing can get between you and your gal pals.

But being undateable forever can turn out to be an extremely lonely life… especially if and when all of your friends suddenly get into serious relationships. Then, what do you have left? You go, girl. Excelling in your career is a high like no other — and YES, it should be a top priority. A guy will probably find this intimidating and think you don't have any time for him But don't let every single thing he does annoy the crap out of you. It's not fair to him, and he doesn't deserve that.